So what do we do? … A few suggestions
Posted on July 14th, 2006 by Tariq Nelson
Some friends of mine have suggested that I write a post with some solutions to some of the issues that I am discussing here. I have given my suggestions throughout many of the previous writings, but I will collect them all here, Insha Allah.
Filed under: Children's Issues, Convert Issues, Practical Solutions, Race, Sloganism over Reality
All of this is great and I wish someone had given me this advice 15 years ago.
Any suggestions for brothers that are already married, have children and are already in their late 30’s or early 40’s with little to no skills?
Salaamu Alaikum
Those are all excellent ideas I would also like to include an additional practical step that can be very helpfull in making these life changing choices. We need mentors/friends whatever you would like to call them. People you look up to and respect, now I am not talking about codeling brothers but I am talking about someone who can help a brother sort things out set tangible practical short term goals and have follow up sessions with the brother. It can be something a simple as a weekly phone call. Instead of talking about distant and problems in the Muslim world or gandiose plans for the ummah. Maybe we can start saying things like lets go over my goals for the week religious,financial, relationship, social, work ect. “Okay lets examine the situation we have a,b,c and d that are areas that we need to improve.” Mentor/Friend then provides realistic tangible attainable solutions that he is responsible for implimenting that week. Week two Mentor/Friend follows up “lets take a look at how you did.” The individual can see right there in front of his eyes where he did good and where he needs to improve. There is something motivating about being able to touch and feel the problems and then realizing there is light at the end of the tunnel. This doesn’t always have to be a one way street either both brothers may have mutual respect or strengths in one area the other doesn’t but by being accountable knowing that you will have to account for your week and setting tangible goals we can slowly start to build each other up. This is another type of muhasabah or self evaluation that we are all required to do and would In Sha Allah get us prepared for the final accounting when no one will be able to help the other and everone will be saying “myself!” “myself!”
This is a very wise post, and is applicable not just to African-Americans, but to Muslims of immigrant backgrounds as well.
Rasheed, although I am probably the personification of ineptitude and have little respect from people, even from my own wife I think it is a little late for me, a man in his 30’s to seek a ‘mentor’. The ones that need mentoring are my children so that they don’t make the same mistakes that I have in my life.
As salaamu ‘alaykum, Tariq.
I agree with much of what you wrote. I don’t really agree with some of the statements made at the end but these are not the point of this post, so I won’t quibble over them.
My initial response, however, would be: Isn’t this exactly the program of Imam Warith Deen’s community? At least that’s the way they talk, so if they’re already talking like this the question is — do you consider them successful? If not, then why not? What would you do different?
As salaamu ‘alaykum,
Just to make the point more clear: Imam WD (at the very least rhetorically) stresses family, education, economic development, and being ‘proud’ to be American and Muslim. Most of these are things that are stressed already as you’ve mentioned in immigrant Muslim homes. Immigrant Muslims are generally economically and socially successful…so I see why one would want the African American community to be so as well.
But the immigrant Muslim community is not, at least in my view, generally successful Islamically. While I don’t wish to resign anyone to poverty…I must ask what in your program would make the community one that is truly Islamically successful? I just ask that we keep this in mind as well, inshAllaah as we continue to develop a program.
Brother Ashamed asked “Any suggestions for brothers that are already married, have children and are already in their late 30
As salaamu ‘alaykum MuhammadNur,
I agree with your observations about WD’s community (of course they are generalizations and there are many exceptions).
So, that gets to the heart of my point. The message of economic empowerment, education, and pro-American identity has not been able succeed in exciting or engaging the youth.
It is tremendously scary to think of the level of practice and engagement with the deen and Muslim institutions that one sees among the children of BlackAmericans who converted to Islam in WD’s community, just as it is equally scary to see the assimilation of the children of immigrants. Among the immigrants it seems there is a certain percentage that come to the deen very strong, many times even more so than their parents but the vast majority number wise become disconnected from Muslim belief and practice.
These problems are just as enormous as the social problems facing Blackamericans and we need to be careful that our solutions don’t aggravate some problems while solving others.
Allaah knows best.
Abu Noor:
wa alaykum as-salaam,
One of the things that I have found when talking about these things is that when one mentions things such as economic empowerment and/or education they take this automatically to mean the absence of deen. Economics and education IS from Islam.
Obviously it goes without saying that along with the above that
As salaamu ‘alaykum Tariq,
I’m afraid that as I was worried about, my points have been misunderstood as a criticism of Imam WD’s community. That was not my purpose. This is a communtiy with a decades long track record that seems to be based on many of the principles you’re advocating. I’m just asking you in that case is your suggestion that we all join and support Imam WD’s community? Or something different. It doesn’t make a lot of sense to try to start whole new communities if they are going to be based on the same framework as something which already exists. This in itself is a disease of the Muslim community in the inner city at least in Chicago for sure, is that we have 15 masajid each with very small communities and all unable to support themselves economically but they can’t join together because you have ‘imams’ who want to do their own thing rather than supporting already existing efforts.
I agree with your final point as well. In Chicago there is no realistic Islamic school alternative in the city itself. (unless you count Farrakhan’s school).
Oh, and as for adopting identity, I say all converts should adopt an Irish identity
No, really the issues about economics and education being “from Islam” and the whole idea of “American identity” are too complex to address in a comment. I don’t necessarily disagree with you, but I don’t think I agree with you either. I think we may be looking at things in a little different ways.
As someone who has spent my entire life in the United States, (except for a couple of brief trips to Canada) you’re not going to catch me claiming an American identity anytime soon. I am absolutely clear on what that means and its not something I choose to embrace.
Allaah knows best.
Abu Noor:
Ironically, it was only after I visited the Muslim world that I knew that I was an American.
I have thought about going to school, but when one really needs to have two jobs to make ends meet and has three children it is difficult. Abu Noor I would be interested in reading some of your ideas or solutions
Great post akh, lots of good advice. One of the most valuable pieces of info in here is on delaying marriage, we have too many Muslims who are getting pressured to get married when they are not ready and too many Muslims just getting married because they are horny without thinking about the long term consequences and commitment.
I think the delay in marriage depends on the situation. I’m not going to raise my children to delay marriage because Insha Allah I plan on them being knowledgable and mature enough to handle it in their early twenties or even late teens. I know of some good marriages where they got married in college . Again this takes maturity and being groomed to handle it.
But for converts or those who havent been raised to really think deeply about marriage than yes, they should delay, take some time to get to know the prospective spouse. And the advice on marriage couseling is so important. The problem is who is qualified to counsel. Most people go to Imams, but there are some shady Imams who in particular dont seem to advocate for women. So you see sisters end up marrying some horrible brothers because they didnt have someone to really advocate for them. You have to be careful about who you take your advice from.
Um Abdillah:
I agree that delaying would depend on the situation. I was mostly speaking about converts. It is mostly about being compatible and knowing the person you are marrying and knowing that they have the same goals.
Many of these shady Imams suggest themselves as a husband for the new sisters. I know of one that has been married around 30 times!
as-Salamu `alaykum
On early marriage: there are many Christian communities, including Mormons, where the youth marry very young, but still have very successful careers both in worldly domains and in religious service. It really dependes on the individual’s nature, preparation, and maturity level.
Tariq: you mentioned the point that has been my deepest wound since coming to America 22 years ago… There is always suspicion and aloofness among our local communities based on place of birth and parents’ religion (if any). Part of this is inevitable, Arabs together will speak in Arabic, Pakistanis in Urdhu, etc., and the American-born brothers feel left-out.
However, it does go much deeper, and I think that there is an element of price involved: If I am an Arab with many generations of linguistic and religious scholarship under my belt, I instinctively feel more knowledgeable than someone new to Islam. The new adherent, in return, feels superior because she or he actually accepted the faith, while I was just born in it, and I could have just as easily been a Christian or an atheist had my parents raised me as one. (The famous Hadith states that everyone is born on the proper fitra, but then the parents make him or her Jew or Christian).
In fact, there is so much that we can learn from one another. Those who have taken the basics of faith for granted, and occupied themselves with branches of branches of knowledge, can gain a great deal by reliving the new adherents’ journeys to faith. And the celebration must be a lot more than simply the cheap feeling of vindication (others converting to my faith is proof that I am right, now I can teach them more). It must be a way of sharing the journey and discovering our own faith anew.
The adoption of other cultures, Saudi, Pakistani, or otherwise, is another extremely valid point that you made. I have seen many college-age children of immigrants who didn’t adopt those cultures on purpose, but found it in their homes and masajid. They did develop double personalities, and a few of them came to my office to complain that they no longer know who they are. It has become a mantra that there can be no such thing as an American Islam, but that misses the important point that from its earliest days of expansion, the Islamic world had evolved many sub-cultures all of which were correctly Islamic.
If my child and yours are to be best friends and companions in Allah, they must have the same culture. If my sons can marry your daughters, they must feel a common heritage, not just what is to them an incomprehensible medieval theology that they both can regurgitate. We must be able to forge an American Muslim identity if only for those social reasons that form the nucleus of a society and ensure continuity of our community.
wa s-salam,
Mahmoud.
Great thoughts Dr. Mahmoud. I agree 100%
I wrote about the American Muslim Identity here
On the early marriage, the key is that the Mormons (and others) are prepared to take on those responsibilities whereas many of those who embrace Islam are not. Simply put, many converts get married simply desiring halal sex while disregarding
[...] a positive change in their lives and not perpetual rage. People wanted to see something that would bring solutions to the problems on the streets and not perpetual [...]
Excellent suggestions