Tackling the taboo in the Muslim World
Posted on October 21st, 2006 by Tariq Nelson
This speaks for itself. Sadly, there seems to be very little concept of
Filed under: The Culture of Denial and Pretense
This speaks for itself. Sadly, there seems to be very little concept of
Filed under: The Culture of Denial and Pretense
Once again you hit it on the bull’s eye. I had a porn addiction myself even while at the height of my own “righteousness” just glad that I wasn’t exposed. It is like drugs and I struggled with alone for about five years would quit and have relapses but I think it is under control now. You are right that talking about it is out of the question. I knew another “righteous” brother that was exposed by his wife that had spent thousands of dollars on porn and disappeared in disgrace. I am still not where I want to be in my deen but i feel hungover from a party in a way because the movement was not what I thought and I gave my life to it and I am trying to put my life together.
Wonder when Muslims became such prudes?
Thats why sunnipath is so popular. People can ask questions when they feel they have no where to go.
ok, that spiegal article is so stupid. Why does the west blame everything on have conservative traditional values. I believe a large part of the problem is that delaying marriege so late, (late twenties, thirties) and unrealistic expectations of what marriage should be. With all the problems in Muslim countries I can’t believe premarital sex etc is as rampant as is in the west. Even amonst the elite who want to copy everything western, I doubt its as rampant.
Um Abdillah:
Of course you need to weed out the trash in the Spiegal article. The fact is that these things are happening.
The problems are:
- Unreasonably high dowries
- Such a high premium on virgins that divorced and widowed women can hardly get married. This has created a culture in which fornicators
Tariq,
This is a good piece akh. I mentioned the other day that brothers in Syria who are so desperate for any sight of a woman break into hospitals to get a glimpse of women in labor because that is there only chance to see some. I have also had many Arab men tell me that a woman who likes or enjoys sex is dirty and no good and these brothers are marries so I can only guess what kind of action is going on in the bedroom.
Now, maybe I shouldn
lol@Umar…
“he wants to show your more than his prayer rug when he invites you to his apartment. “
as salaamu alaikum,
I strongly agree with making sure that Muslims who are coping with various addictions, particularly hidden addictions, should be encouraged and brought closer to the center of the community… I once had a random brother call me up in the middle of the night telling me how he didnt know who he could turn to but he had committed a major sin. I didnt want to ask him what the sin was but he was distressed and because this bro was newly practicing the deen, he began missing salat at the masjid because of his fear that he wasnt a good Muslim… My point being that he called me up since there was no way he was ever gonna call the Imam up or even talk to him about the problem facing him. who was I to give him answers or advice on such an issue? Nobody, but when there is a lack of people working on such issues, its what happens.
On a larger scale, I appreciate the work that sister in the article is doing. Even the US, the Al Maghrib Institute has developed seminars such as the ‘Fiqh of Love’(http://www.almaghrib.org/fol.php) and ‘Love Notes’ (http://www.almaghrib.org/ln.php) to show the intimate side of marriage relationships.
I think if such seminars and discussion groups are done right, they can be of great benefit. The bottom line is that Muslims need to start countering the smut culture by showing how sexual relations, when done through Halal means, are a blessing that bring emotional maturity and stability in one’s spiritual and mental health…
At the same time the problems of absurd dowries, virgin lust, and parents demands that men be MD’s before marrying their daughters also exacerbate the temptation for men and women to go towards haram ways to fulfill their desires; and this reality cuts across all groups - sufi, tableeghi, salafi, progressive, etc.
Allahumustaan
>>by showing how sexual relations, when done through Halal means, are a blessing that bring emotional maturity and stability in one
SAlaam ‘Alaikum
//
[...] It is for this reason that people like
[...] 8. Muslims must accept that in a hyper-sexualised society many more Muslims will be guilty of committing sexual sins, community leaders should be more understanding and sympathetic in these circumstances. One does not need to condone an act to be sympathetic to the individual. Tariq Nelson draws our attention to this. [...]
you said here that you have known of men that chatise and berate others of looking at porn when they themselves look at it. unfortunatley this has happened regarding many that are close to myself. it’s a sad situation of course. they think they can hide it and act righteous in front of the communities and their families..but what they don’t realize is that the people and their families see right through them. honestly have you ever seen a person lthat looks at porn? the noor has just vanished from their face? i have, it is a very sad site indeed. especially when it is some one you happen to love and care for very much.
what some of these men and women don’t realize is that when you do something for the pleasure of allah his rewards are greater than you can ever expect. i was once told that i couldn’t keep someone from sinning and that person was right but it also happen to be a person that was doing this same sin. he never wanted to give it up. his wife left him eventually…slowly but surely but she did. he never saw it coming. he thought because she put up with it once she always would be there. but that wasn’t the case. and he deserved it too. it was more important for him to skip his prayers and watch porn on the internet than to spend time with his family by teaching them their deen. then he had the nerve to say “they” were ignorant of their deen.
“…by showing how sexual realtions, when done through HALAL means are a blesing that brings emotional maturity and stability in ones spiritual and mental health…”
this is exactly what it shows. i’m sorry but these same so called knowledgeable brothers that do these kinds of dispicable acts shows really how immature and how far away from allah they really are.
i have a friend that recently told me her husband had and affair with a prostitute. she is really going through some stuff but i really don’t know what to say to people who are married to respectable and very knowledgable men who go around with no shame and sleep with prostitutes. i am still in state of digust.
your also right when i did my article on “pornography and how it starts” i could only find christian websites that kept saying that the community needed to have some type of support group for this problem. unfortunatly though too many muslim are just to proud to get help to begin with.
i had actually posted this same article when i first started my blog. i am going to link to you inshallah. you made very excellent points. i know my readers will benfit from this if they haven’t already. jazak allahu kahairan for a very informative post.
[...] It should be pretty obvious to most of us, especially the Muslims who still maintain ties/visitations to the “motherlands” that the Muslim world does indeed have a problem with sex. There is a growing level of promiscuity, sexual frustration, intimate problems in marriage, etc. that are causing havoc in the Muslim countries. Tariq Nelson had discussed this topic sometime back in this article. [...]
Interesting..
I wonder why some sheiks don’t speak about sheiks who actually wrote sexual manuals better than the Kama Sutra.
I guess the works for Sir Richard Burton never struck a chord?
Hail!
What do you think about Tokio Hotel? >:)
I am a newly converted sister. Let me tell you one thing, it is DIFFICULT to find a decent muslim man, I have tried matrimonial websites, and all the men ever want is to meet. I did go to a Muslim brother’s apartment (He was Palistinean American), and he did show me more than his prayer rug-unfortuntantly. I am not saying that I am innocent-I knew what I was doing was wrong. But anyhow, I am not doing that again. It’s just that so many men-regardless of religion-are creeps that just want sex. I almost married an Egyptian doctor-but he was a secret porn addict that liked anal sex. So there was no Nikah. I really have been hurt. Ya Allah. Soo… I think it is better of me to give up and just stay single. Ameen to that.
PS: Forgive me if I have offended anyone-but I am just being honest about how Muslim men love American Convert girls and just use them sexually.
Even though I’m not Muslim, when it comes to screwed up guys like the ones that you mentioned in your post, they all make you want to scream.
I’m a single woman and though I’m not worried about it, there are other people who are. I’m “old” in today’s societal standards( Being in your late thirties like I’am isn’t OLD. The way people carry on about they make you seem like you’re ancient), I’m at age where my biological clock is winding down and in my case, they worry about these guys going to younger women, but in spite of it, I love being a single female.
The problem with our society is that they want us to meet the status quo: get married, have those kids and live happily ever after(?). I remembered having those same feelings of wanting to get hitched because it seemed that everybody around me was doing it. I did alright: I dated a real Neanderthal man. He just had this prehistoric way of viewing womenand men . Women and men should/shouldn’t do kind of thinking. He even thought that women shouldn’t go to college and /or work .ohe even offended a man on his job for being a being an RN. I just pictured myself being in a marriage with this man, I just imagined it to the core and I got nauseous from thought of it. My uncle hated him to the point that he told that if I married him that he would pay for our divorce. Thankfully, he didn’t have to worry about it. The man had to go.
In spite of guys like my ex and those men you mentioned in your post, I still believe that there are lot of good men in this world. Sometimes, they may be in our faces and not know it. He may not come at your time,but he’s may be out there and he will probably end up being the best guy in the world. Let’s also say that you aren’t able to find Mr. Right, it’s ok. People may say that you need a spouse to survive. How untrue that is. Happiness comes from you and the god. that is what count the most.
People feel that may regret my thoughts. That is a chance that I will take for myself. I’m not looking for anybody, but if it’s meant for me to get married, so be it. I don’t want to do things because my friends/family doing it( and for the record, at 60 percent of them are asking me and others where they can find good divorce lawyers). I want to be at peace with my life. I may or may not regret my thoughts, but I much would rather regret not the additional baggage on my shoulders than for me to do something that I will regret for the rest of my life.
For those struggling with a pornography addiction, there is a support group (Muslim Accountability Circle) thats just been started at http://www.no-porn.com. Click on forums, register as a member, click on the support boards, and then click on accountability circle. There you’ll see a posting for the Muslim Accountability Circle. It’s completely anonymous. This might very well be the first support circle of its kind for Muslims on the internet.
This is a new site for Muslims with HSV HPV , can you run the link for about a month in your sidebar
ma salamma