More Solutions
In today’s climate, this post will probably get me into some trouble. One of the things that disturbs me about the ills in the black community is the lack of a strong moral (not judgmental) voice calling against these ills.
Where are the people (even in the faith community) that are saying that the out of wedlock birth rate is a sign of moral decay and leads to other social pathologies? Why are we not advocating for strong abstinence programs and at the very least warning them very strongly against having children out of wedlock and the drag on the entire society that it brings?
What is worse is that Hollywood is now glorifying and celebrating the trend of unmarried people having children outside of wedlock, which will cause others to follow suit. This is also part of a trend that relegates fathers to being sperm donors and the source of a child support payment rather than part of a strong family unit.
I know that there are situations on the ground now that we can’t do much about, but we can try to reach younger children (both the girls AND boys) and teach them the consequences of bad choices (including but not limited to out of wedlock pregnancy), and guide them so that they can break this destructive cycle.
It is absurd that over half of black teenage girls have a sexually transmitted disease. Should we just continue to be silent for fear of being called “judgmental”? I am not calling for a bunch of pretentious finger pointing that in the end solves no problems, but we do need bold and courageous solutions for these problems.
I found this link (at indigoblu’s blog)that encourages the youth to start abstinence clubs at their schools, church youth programs through their after school programs. From the site:
A “Johnny Appleseed” talked to the principal, put announcements on morning announcements publicizing a meeting in April, and had 10 students show up. The following Fall, 90 students (over 10% of the student body) signed up for the Abstinence Club which they called their TLC (Teen Life & Community) Club.
When students have the facts and are fired up to become pro-active, they create POSITIVE PEER PRESSURE and can have a much greater effect on the majority of students than we adults can!
You don’t need lots of leaders; you don’t even need lots of club members to make things happen! But the clubs can serve as SUPPORT GROUPS to help students stay committed to abstinence!
No, everyone will not follow this advice, but this should not stop us from providing a clear voice or reason to our youth to do better. At least give them the option. If we are all proactive in our own way, we can improve the situation in all of our own corners.
Here is another link with advice on how to start a youth program that will teach kids how to increase their grades, stay off drugs, while receiving positive reinforcements from strong role models
Filed under: Bad Culture, Children's Issues, Race
This issue is growing in all communities. I heard a report on the radio the other day that said that some 80% of African American children were born out of wedlock, the rates were rapidly rising in the Hispanic community, some 60% of Hispanic children born out of wedlock, and it is growing in the white community as well, now pushing 50%.
It makes me wonder where there is all going to end?
Tariq,
This is truly a rough issue. Because the overall social structure is decaying it is difficult to see an effective solution even if we try to look 30-50 years out. Unfortunately the society is at a point where it is hard for people to tolerate basic messages of uprightness.
The idea of abstinence groups is a novel one but there has to be a social structure that supports it in the home and in the communities. Perhaps I’m too pessimistic but I just do see the structure there. As you mentioned, the popular media continues to cram lude, obscene and immoral messages down everyone’s throats. A person has to detach themselves from these messages and their sources to begin the process of restoring their morals, ethics and values. What is more alarming to me is that I think this trend will overtake the Muslim communities as well. Whereas we should (ideally) have some approaches and solutions to these issues.
Quiet honestly it starts with inculcating basic values and principles of self-esteem, self-worth and God fearingness. Obviously this has to begin at a young age. In lieu of this it require working with youth over long periods to ‘restore’ their value system. Unfortunately most of us have lost our ability to be self-checked and the rest of us may loose our moral compass due to peer pressure and “going with the flow”.
The idea of abstinence clubs is a good start but it has to be coupled with instilling morals and ethics as well as educating youth so that they understand the intellectual trends that are out there. Above all else people need Allah (swt).
As salaam wa laikum,
I agree with abuhunain. A lot of these clubs will come off as corny and be lookd at as getting in the way of “having fun.” If there aren’t strong parental guidelines at home, a lot of the good advice given at school, the church or the masjid will simply go in one ear and out the other.
It’s gotten to the point where people can’t even recognise that not having a father or being home during a certain time and not out on the streets is not an ideal situation. People are far away from the light of Allah (swt) it feels like.
However, where I live in Queens, the few remaining families with both parents and even the ones with single parents know what is going on but are frustrated at not being able to do anything about it, due to having to work long hours and not being home to monitor their kids.
I really don’t have any concrete solutions myself. The magnetism of the street is strong, there are girls out there, you can get high and drunk out there, it feels good to be stunitng and fronting out there. Unfortunately, when reality hits you in the hood, it hits you in a hard way. These kids need to know how to deal with their reality and that is only gonna come through Islam. Five times prayer keeps you calm, all the physical thing in Islam help. I just think if Islam continues to grow, and if people who have credibility in the hood and who have charisma in the hood come to accept Islam, then things Inshallah will change. The Prophet (saws) himself prayed that Umar (ra) would come to Islam because he knew how important he was.
abuhunain & Bang:
Of course abstinence clubs are not going to be the entire solution to this problem
The whole family unit concept is starting to change across all communities, this is true, but usually for different reasons.
For the upper and middle socio-economic groups, its a matter of financial and legal stuff, eg the court system for dealing with divorce etc. Although this is completely different to the problems being experienced in some of the black community, overall, marriage seems to be a dying institution (or at least in serious trouble). The impact of this is of course very different depending on who you are.
I don’t even know where this thing began. Its too easy to say rampant individualism, or perhaps even 60s/70s feminism.
I’m not sure where it began - but Abu Sinan, one thing I know from the hadith: “before Yawm-ul-Qiyama, people will not be ashamed of being called a (fatherless) ‘bastard’” …
and that I have already seen kids, though angry at being raised by their mother alone due to an absentee father, still go on and have unprotected sex themselves and further the cycle - meaning “children having children” or that could mean what hadith Gibril was eloquently referring to, along with the barefoot peasants competing at building tall buildings, as “the slavegirl giving birth to her master” - what Hamza Yusuf and other scholars have noted, the child of a single-mom being a tyrant over her…
Asalaamu alaikum everyone and Brother Tariq,
Subhan’Allah, I hope these abstinence groups work. In high school, I had to literally fight my friends on this issue. But thankfully, I had other friends who were modest, chaste and actually practiced what the Bible says. That positive peer pressure came in handy because whenever one our friends was thinking about crossing that line, we reminded her of the consequences.
But as you pointed out, Hollywood is actually trying to glamorize it. Please read the article linked on my blog about the sexualization of young girls. One teenager mother pointed out that unlike Jamie Lee Spears, she can’t afford maids and nannies. She doesn’t have millions of dollars like these famous moms. She has to work 10x harder just to stay ahead and she can barely get through her GED classes.
But we have to become just as vocal as the naysayers. It’s wrong! It’s stupid. It’s haram. God doesn’t like it and it sucks for all of us, period. If me saying that makes me intolerant or a stick-in-the-mud, so be it. Our childrens’ futures are on the line. Rant over.
This whole situation stinks. I have been talking to tweens, teens, and parents for years and the situation never dies. In fact, it seems to get progressively worse over the years - and I’m ONLY talking about in the Muslim community with ALL races and cultures.
Dare I say that I have come across more children of a particular race (or races) that are increasingly more slack in their behavior than other races, and it is not the african american community. Maybe it is a ratio (# of this race vs. the number of the others in the community) thing, I don’t know.
I also have realized that the more you talk to these young people, the more you find out that they want to do the right thing but are overwhelmed with negative self-image, negative peer pressure, the “fitting in” syndrome, and hollywood media hype, and FAMILY disapproval. I feel sorry for them.
As far as the general population goes, the numbers are scary. It will take years to get it under control and the initial efforts don’t even seem to be making a dent in this problem. Sad. I wish I could do more.